Instead of Downsizing, We Bought a Bigger House. We Love It.

When my husband retired from the Navy, we were in our mid-40s and ready to settle into civilian life. While many of his colleagues were downsizing and preparing for their “empty nest” years, we were heading in the opposite direction.

We had waited to start a family until the last few years of his naval career so he wouldn’t miss too much of their young lives. With two preschoolers at home, our lives weren’t slowing down; they were picking up speed. So when it came time to decide where we wanted to settle down and what our future might look like, we did the unexpected: we bought a bigger house.

We wanted to set ourselves up for the future

At the time, we got a lot of questions: “Isn’t that too much house?” “What will you do when the boys leave home?” and “Won’t you just be downsizing in 10 years?” My husband was starting his second career as a teacher, and I work from home, so the extra space felt practical. After decades of having our plans dictated by the military, we were finally putting down roots — and we wanted room to grow. I also didn’t want to move again.

We weren’t just thinking about the little kids we had, we were thinking ahead to the teenagers and young adults they’d become. We wanted a house where they could have friends over, a backyard big enough to plant a garden and still have room to play, a workspace for me, and enough room so that we could all have privacy when we needed it. And with 42% of young adults living at home these days, we thought: why not plan for that now?

It took a year, but we found our home

We searched for a home that could serve us for the long haul — a place to raise kids and, eventually, age in place. We considered neighborhoods, school systems, healthcare facilities, and the number of bedrooms we’d need, but we also looked for features like a first-floor primary bedroom and laundry.

We cast a wide net, spending a year narrowing our options, scrolling through hundreds of listings, and visiting dozens of houses across three states before we finally found one that checked all the boxes. We were home.

Ten years later, with our boys now 13 and 15, I’m more convinced than ever that we made the right decision. The house that felt too big the day we moved in now feels just right. With their bedrooms upstairs, the boys have space to spread out, and we’re not on top of each other.

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During the pandemic, my husband and I must have said a hundred times, “I’m so glad we bought this house.” Even now, during school breaks or sick days, there’s enough room for everyone to retreat when they need quiet — including us.

It’s not lost on me that we’ve given our kids a sense of permanence. This is only their second home, and it’s the place they’ll remember best. There’s comfort in that, for them and for us. During my husband’s Navy career, we were lucky to stay on the East Coast and only moved four times, but “home” was always more about being together than where we were. Now we have both.

We’re in no hurry to move again

Of course, a bigger house comes with tradeoffs. The utility bills are higher. The cleaning sometimes feels endless. And no, we don’t need this much space every single day. We occasionally discuss whether we might want to move somewhere smaller when the boys leave for college.

But knowing we have room for them if they need a place to land — whether between college and a first job, or to save money while getting on their feet — will likely keep us here. And when they eventually fly the nest for good, we’ll still have a home that works for us until we’re ready for the next chapter of our lives.