I Quit My Lucrative Influencer Career. It Made Me Insecure and Anxious

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Evelyn Ramli, a 22-year-old marketing specialist in Indonesia. It’s been edited for length and clarity. Business Insider has verified Ramli’s past and current job income.

For my first two years as a content creator, I saw it as a fun side hustle to do while in university. I posted TikTok and Instagram videos about video editing and fashion, and later transitioned to beauty when I found it to be the most lucrative.

But when I went full-time with content creation after graduating from my university in 2024, I realized it was only the “dream” life on paper. Sure, I was making a solid salary and got to work on my own terms, but I was insecure, anxious, and sacrificing my morals for a paycheck.

I decided to take a pay cut and switch to a corporate marketing job. I’m still not sure if it was the right decision.

I let go of my career ambitions to be a content creator and earned lots of money

I was studying English literature in the pursuit of becoming a writer or editor. Toward the end of my second year in university, I really let go of my academic performance in favor of sponsorship opportunities for my content.

I abandoned my dream because I felt creating content was a more creative and free path. When I first went full-time with content after graduating, I loved it. In a typical week, I’d attend four to eight brand events, do one to two days of content shooting, and do some video editing nearly every day. I received all sorts of free products, worked with brands I loved as a child, and met some of the most amazing people.

However, several months after cutting ties with my biggest brand sponsor due to opposing beliefs, I lost almost half of my income. After that, I was making about RM10,000 to 12,000, or between $2,300 and $2,800, each month.

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It hit me that content-creating isn’t as stable as I thought it was

I started reflecting deeper on my content and realized it had grown into something completely different than the hobby it started as.

Almost all of my videos had become ads. I was chasing views, followers, brands, and money, but I wasn’t serving my audience or myself. I also started realizing that by representing beauty companies, I was inadvertently contributing to the message to young girls that they aren’t beautiful enough.

When I looked inward, I realized I had become insecure, anxious, and distant from my authentic self. I knew I needed to step away so I could really figure out who I am.

Why I decided to switch from content-creating to marketing

I figured I could always go back to content creation, but it may be difficult to enter corporate later on and try to explain my several-year career gap and lack of professional experience.

So, I decided to look for marketing jobs. It has similar aspects to content, which would allow me to continue some of the parts of creation that I love. I only applied to a few jobs on LinkedIn within a month before getting interviewed and later hired as a marketing specialist for an education company.

I didn’t mention social media as job experience because I wasn’t sure it counted. I relied more on my degree in English language and literature and work experience while in university to sell myself. In my current role, I’m making less than I would’ve if I had kept doing content creation.

I love the structure of a 9-to-5 because I feel like momentum builds momentum

When I was a full-time creator, I had so much free time that I struggled to actually get work done. There were some weeks when I rotted in bed for two days because I was wiped out from a huge event the night before.

I’m now enjoying the routine of getting dressed in a cute outfit and heading to the office to work with a great team. The structure even revived my passion for creating and my drive to challenge myself.

I’m still not sure I made the right decision

I think about everything I had — the events, products, and freedom — and feel crazy for giving it up. I miss it at times, but I have to remind myself that we always have a fonder view when looking back on things. I have to remind myself how hollow and unsatisfying being a content creator was.

I’ve realized now that a lot of things I did as a content creator were not what I wanted, but what society programs us to believe are enviable to other people. I’m now focusing on what makes me feel good.

If you are making a career pivot and would like to share your story, please email the editor, Manseen Logan, at mlogan@businessinsider.com.