This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Alyson Austin, a 56-year-old public relations professional from Wells, Maine. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I was born in Maine but spent 18 years living and working in California as a corporate public relations employee.
I bought a condo in Irvine, California, in 2007, but the mortgage payments exceeded my financial means. My mortgage was around $5,000 a month, and my high-rise building had an almost $1,000 monthly HOA fee.
I sold the house in 2015 and started renting again. It was a devastating but necessary financial choice.
The only way I was able to become a homeowner again was to move back to Maine and cohabitate with my mother.
The pandemic made me rethink my priorities
Five years into renting in California, COVID-19 was sweeping the nation, and social prohibitions were in effect. I started thinking about returning to Maine. My mother still lived there and was struggling greatly with this degree of isolation. She needed my help.
I’m among the increasing number of people in the “sandwich generation” who are taking on parental obligations while also caring for their children, if they have them. I made the decision to move away from my friends in California after realizing that caring for my mother was my main responsibility.
Fortunately, when I decided to relocate, I had already left my corporate position and launched my own public relations firm, so I could work from anywhere.
After seven years of renting in California, I moved back to Maine
I once again became eligible as a first-time homebuyer because I hadn’t owned a home in three years and got approved for first-time mortgage rates. Maine real estate was significantly less expensive than California real estate, and I was eager to become a homeowner once more.
I decided the best route would be to buy my mother’s home from her and take on the expenses. She had been living there since 2005 and it needed repairs.
My mortgage broker calculated the cost of the house and my expenses and recommended a 15-year mortgage. I was looking for a monthly loan payment of less than $3,000 a month, and I adhered to my budget, setting down the required 20% down payment. My mortgage is now around $2,400 a month.
When buying a property, many people overlook costs like homeowners association fees, which can make homeownership unaffordable. Without that extra cost, I’ve been able to keep my spending under control.
My mother and I now live in the home together
We’ve maintained a close relationship for almost two decades, even though we lived across the country from each other. She’s independent and mobile. I drive her to appointments and do the housework. We share a bank account for incidentals like her medication and groceries. I manage the mortgage, heat, water, and all of the bills.
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Although I was worried about taking care of her full-time, it has been fulfilling to spend these years with her. I will seek expert assistance if she needs nursing care, which is not yet necessary, fortunately.
My friends check in on me and inquire if I’m doing fine. Although I live a much slower pace of life than the majority of my peers, they understand and support my way of life and recognize my commitment to my mother.
