A dating coach with a multimillion-euro business realized she couldn’t “do it all” when she was pregnant in 2020.
“This was such a difficult lesson for me to learn because I wanted to do it all,” said Sami Wunder, who runs a dating and relationship coaching service that helps high-achieving women find partners.
“I wanted to be seven months pregnant and travel, be CEO, manage a team, be there for my clients, and my doctor said to me, ‘you will die’,” she told Business Insider. “‘You will die or your baby will die. You can’t burn the candle on both ends. You have to respect your body.'”
Wunder, who was born in India and is now based in Germany, slowed things down, which she said was difficult. Only one thing was non-negotiable — she didn’t want to make less money: “I wanted to show it to myself that it is possible to do both.”
Wunder said she wasn’t buying into anyone who asked her why she wasn’t content with the money she’d already made.
“There has to be a way to have that success,” she said. “You just have to get really good at building your systems, being effective at what you do, and the way you use your time.”
Wunder asked herself how she could build a business that helped her be a mom to two young kids, all while sleeping enough and looking after her mental health.
“What’s the formula for making great money, having fame, being a good mother, and having a balanced nervous system?” she asked.
Knowing your worth
The answer, Wunder realized, was leaning into feminine leadership — checking in with her body every day, tracking her hormonal cycle, and respecting the days when it wasn’t in her best interests to do anything but curl up in a blanket and watch Netflix.
Sami Wunder
That was five years ago, and Wunder has posted revenues of 12 million euros since then. Her approach focuses on getting women to know their worth and try methods such as “rotational dating,” where they date multiple men until they find the commitment they desire.
“It requires a different type of leadership in the workplace, and it requires courage,” Wunder said of her success. “It doesn’t have to be disruptive — it can actually set a very refreshing tone.”
Work environments are inherently masculine, Wunder said, all about KPIs and who is the fastest or the one who pushes boundaries the most. That doesn’t work for women-led businesses, she said.
‘Respecting your season’
“I think that’s why so many female business owners, female C-suite executives, they’re all burned out and they are all exhausted. When they come back home at night, there’s no time to date, or there’s not enough time with the family,” she said. “Their nervous systems are totally burned out, and it’s because we are doing success the masculine way.”
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The feminine in business is “respecting your season,” and not getting lost in the unsustainable “masculine paradigm,” Wunder said of adrenaline, cortisol, and eventually, collapse.
“If it’s making me breathless, it’s not worth it,” she said.
This has changed how Wunder approaches business, and she’s seen how it has also helped her team, who feel empowered to tell her if they’re feeling a little sluggish or slow that week.
Stopping to smell the roses
“People who work with me, they just work with me for five years, six years, eight years now,” Wunder said. “Because I encourage help first, pleasure first, that also motivates them to stick around and be good at what they’re doing.”
Wunder wanted to build a business that not only taught feminine energy and love, “but also honors that I am different as a female leader.”
“Finding the joy in the little things while doing the big things, but also stopping to smell the roses,” Wunder said. “That is the life I wanted to build. Not just a great business in the forefront, but a happy woman behind it.”
