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This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Kailyn Lowry, founder of the KILLR Podcast Network. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I grew up poor. It was normal not to know where my next meal was coming from or where I was sleeping that night. I’m 33 now, but that early poverty still impacts me. I’ve made plenty of money since, but I’m still afraid that I could lose everything I’ve built in an instant.
I first made significant money on “16 & Pregnant” and later on “Teen Mom.” Still, there was uncertainty. Everyone — the stars of the show and the crew — knew that each season could be our last. I had no financial literacy, so when I received a large lump sum of money, I wouldn’t put money aside for taxes. I’d spent one season’s earnings playing catch-up, paying the taxes on my previous season’s pay.
The financial uncertainty — and stress from taxes — was really difficult for me.
I found a financial advisor, but meeting them stresses me out
My best friend helped me find an accountant, and that person set me up with a financial advisor. That advisor helped me build my financial literacy.
Still, I hate those meetings, even to this day. It’s triggering to me because of my childhood poverty. Looking at my income, spending, and how much money I do or don’t have makes me feel ill. I’m really, really afraid of those numbers.
I’ve never talked about that fear of financial instability in therapy. Maybe I should, but I’ve had so many traumas in my life that we haven’t addressed that yet.
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I worry podcasting could disappear
I knew that my shows with MTV wouldn’t last forever, so I wanted to strike while the iron was hot and make this opportunity into something sustainable. That’s where podcasting came in, first with my podcast, “Barely Famous,” and now with my podcast company.
KILLR Network is home to five podcasts with more than 1 million monthly listeners.
Podcasting has given me the ability to step outside the MTV realm, but it doesn’t really give me a sense of security. Podcasting is so new— what if it disappears as quickly as it came? What comes after podcasting, and what if no one cares what I have to say?
Imposter syndrome is something I face all the time. Every single day I look at my life and think do I deserve this? Do I have the right to do this? I still feel unworthy of my achievements and successes.
I get backlash for having a nanny now
When Elliot, my oldest (who used to go by Isaac), was born and I was 17, I couldn’t dream of having a nanny. Today, I have a full-time nanny who works at my home Monday through Friday. It’s such a luxury. Money has provided me with this option, which means I can be more present when I’m with the kids.
I’ve received a lot of backlash about having a nanny. Many people don’t realize that with three kids under two, a nanny is probably cheaper than day care. They also don’t realize my business is a career; they think podcasting is a joke.
I want my kids to know that entrepreneurship isn’t a get-rich-quick path. In fact, sometimes, it means working harder than you would at a traditional job. I make sure that the kids know I work, even if it’s not as clear to them as their friends’ parents who go to a traditional job. I hope they see my hard work and don’t just think I’m living off reality TV money.
I teach my kids to save for the future
I attribute a lot of my success to my resilience. I’ve had to build something out of pure survival. My kids don’t have the same trauma or struggles as me. I’m glad for that, but I wonder about how I can give them the life I never had and still create a sense of drive. You can’t teach someone a business mindset.
Elliot has grown up in the public eye alongside me. Because of that, he’s able to make money on social media. I’ve taught him to save a certain amount for taxes and put more in a regular savings account.
I encourage him to save by telling him that future income isn’t guaranteed. He could lose it all — something he learned when he lost access to his first TikTok account, which had nearly 1 million followers.
I want to show him responsibility without making his life hard. That’s difficult, and we’re working on it every single day.
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