Startup Founder and Father of 3 Chose Work Over Kids, Feels Guilty

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Cache Merrill, a 48-year-old tech founder from Sandy, Utah. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

I launched my startup when my three kids were 1, 4, and 7 years old.

I started my journey in the tech industry as a software engineer. Early on, I worked with both startups and larger companies, learning the demands of the industry.

I quickly found myself drawn to entrepreneurship. In 2009, I co-founded Zibtek, a software development company, which has grown rapidly over the years.

Leading a growing team while trying to be present for my family has been one of the most challenging parts of my career.

Being a startup founder has often meant long hours, constant connectivity, and difficulty fully disengaging from work

As a founder, there’s no clear stop to the day, and the work doesn’t really end. I work roughly 60 to 70 hours a week, with many late evenings and frequent weekend work. This leaves me with just small pockets of time with my family.

The emotional toll of missing key family moments is heavy, and it can feel like I’m never fully succeeding at either work or home.

I’m always on-call, and there’s always more to do. I often find myself juggling client needs, team management, and finding time for my kids and family events.

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There’s an expectation for me to always be present for my team and clients because — especially as a founder — clients and teams expect fast turnarounds. I receive messages late at night or on weekends that need immediate attention.

My team is understanding, but I do feel the pressure to be available.

My kids’ disappointment was a wake-up call for me

When my kids were growing up, I’d try to be there for breakfast or bedtime routines and loved to attend their activities, but it was inconsistent.

Once, I was working on a critical client project, and dinner had already started without me. I walked in late, and my youngest asked, “Daddy, why don’t you eat with us anymore?” It was a gut punch; I felt terrible for missing yet another dinner.

This used to happen frequently — several times a week — but I’ve worked hard to cut it down.

I’ve also had to choose between attending a school function and going to a client meeting. A couple of years ago, a client meeting clashed with my oldest child’s school performance. I chose the meeting, and while my spouse was supportive, the look on my child’s face afterward told me everything. They were disappointed, and I felt a deep sense of regret.

These moments weigh heavily because I can’t get them back. The guilt is a constant companion. My spouse understands, but my kids don’t always. When he entered his early teen years, our son — our middle child, who’s now almost 20 — started asking why I worked so much. That was a real wake-up call for me.

It took me several years to fully grasp the importance of work-life balance

Early on, I thought working harder would solve everything, but I learned the hard way that neglecting family leads to regret.

Work and family are crucial and interconnected parts of my life. The realization that boundaries are essential has been eye-opening for me. It’s difficult to draw the line when you’re so ingrained in the daily grind of running a company. Learning to prioritize has been key, but it’s an ongoing struggle.

Over time, I’ve understood that making room for my family isn’t just something that enhances personal satisfaction — it can make me a better leader as well. It forces me to step back, gain perspective, and focus on what really matters. It’s taught me patience, empathy, and how to prioritize — skills that translate directly into clearer decision-making and stronger leadership at work.

I’ve learned to appreciate the tech world’s culture of flexibility; between high-pressure project periods at work, I’m able to spend quality time with my family doing simple things like having dinner together or going on family outings.

I’m committed to continuing to improve my balance between work and family

Today, my kids are 16, 19, and 23. What it looks like to prioritize spending time with my family has changed as they’ve gotten older. What used to be finding time to help brush teeth and read books now looks more like nightly check-ins where we talk about the best and worst of the day.

As my kids grow, I want to be even more intentional about how I divide my time. My hope is to create more structure around work hours, delegate more responsibility, and ensure that I’m fully present during family time.

Over the last few years, I’ve become much better at putting away my phone and making time for family when I’m home. Balancing fatherhood and the demands of running a tech company is challenging, but it’s a journey that I’m committed to improving.

Do you have a story to share about navigating your career as a parent? Contact this editor, Jane Zhang, at janezhang@businessinsider.com.